The holiday season brings joy, connection, and often, a whirlwind of obligations. It’s easy to get swept up in the expectations of others, but this time of year is also an incredible opportunity to practice making authentic choices. In this episode, we’ll explore how to identify what’s true for you, navigate others’ reactions with grace, and ensure your decisions reflect your values—not just the status quo.
I am so excited today to talk to you about authentic choices. So one of the principles of the work I do is we work with what we’ve got. So we are going to work with the holiday season to really practice making authentic choices. Often in the holiday season, we are surrounded by family. Often, there situations that we may not be part of the rest of the year. There’s a lot of pressure. It’s busy, all these things which can really pull us away from making choices that are true for us. So it’s such a good time to really practice this because I imagine you’re going to have quite a few opportunities to do so. So the thing about authentic choices, what is true for us, what’s most important for us, is we don’t make these choices with indifference to everybody else. However, authentic choices often, especially when we’re growing, we’re in a growth spurt. If you’re watching this, you probably have a growth mindset, because if you don’t, this is totally uninteresting to you. So as we grow, the choices we make to those closest to us often don’t look good. And this is actually the reactions of others is actually the biggest issue, the biggest obstacle that keeps us from making choices that are really true for us.
And what happens when we don’t do that is we start to carry things, resentment, limitations, all of these things that actually bog us down and often lead to burnout and issues in relationship. So it is important to make authentic choices. And we’re going to look at how to move from first having the awareness that I may not be making a choice because of an assumed response of others. And I’m going to encourage you to kick that to the curb. And I’m going to give you some ways to do that. So like I I said, do not make choices on assumed response. When we’re growing and we’re doing new things, those closest to us, and this is not conscious often, it’s subconscious, We’re doing new things and we work on patterns, and the red flag goes up to those around us. Wait a second. This is different. Change back. Come back to what I’m used to because you’re actually making me uncomfortable because I’m not understanding what you’re doing. So just know that that is going on. So it’s natural. It’s actually natural for others not to understand the choices that you’re making. And the most important thing is for you to understand the choice you’re making and to consciously choose.
So when Let’s use an example of the holiday. Say that every year you go to this part of your family and celebrate the holiday. And for whatever reason, the best choice for you is I should not do that. So you call up and say, I’m not going to be there. I’m not going to be there this year. And the reactions, most likely, are not going to be positive. And And knowing that is the first thing, knowing that that is normal. And then you can take a look at, is this the best decision for me? You have all the answers. So we’re going to give you some questions to tease out if that choice is the best for you. So the first three questions that I ask myself when I’m making a choice and I’m still figuring it out is, how important is it How important is it that I don’t go celebrate over here this year? It may be very, very important. You will know the answer, okay? Who am I doing this for? Am I going to this celebration because it’s expected? Am I going because I want to? Is it for me? Is it for others?
Who am I doing this for? And at what cost? Is this going to affect me in a negative way? Is this too much of a heavy lift? Is this exactly what I want to do? All of these things. So you can ask yourself, how important is it? And listen to what you got to say. Who am I doing this for? And at what cost? Now, if that fear of what they’re going to think or what they’re going to say is still with you and driving your decision or your fear of making a decision, maybe giving you the opportunity to ride along the fence or be indecisive, non-committal, all of these things, there is another, the next step, and I love these, is the four Cartesian questions. So I encourage you pen and paper or pencil and paper, or crayon and paper, whatever, write these out. There is trying to do this in your brain. You’ll see why it’s good to write this out. It takes five minutes. It’s worth investing in yourself to take a look at what the authentic choice is for you. So here are the questions. What happens if I do the thing?
What if it happens if I do go celebrate with my family? That’s the first one. You write it down. And be honest with yourself, right? And be okay if it’s negative. It just is what it is. Answer the question. The next one, what happens if I don’t? What happens if I don’t go and walk it down the road, right? This person is going to be mad. That person is not going to care. I’m going to feel stressed, whatever it is, write it down. Then the next question is, what doesn’t happen if I do go? I don’t get to go ice-skating. I don’t get to have a quiet holiday. What doesn’t happen if you go, if you do the thing? And then what doesn’t happen if you don’t do the thing? I don’t hug my hand. I don’t… Whatever it is. So write those things down. And as you do that, when you review it, it can give you lots of discernment and help you to see because you’re looking at it from all the perspectives with an open mind. You can see what the right choice is for you, and then go do it. Whatever it is, do it.
And if you have some blowback, if you have people who don’t like it, you can refer back to what you wrote. It doesn’t mean you have to defend it, but you can look and say, You know what? I took the time and attention for myself. I went through the process, and this was the best choice for me. There is so much power in making authentic choices. As I said before, when we don’t make authentic choices, we tend to put bigger and bigger rocks in our backpack and carry them around because inside, we know what the truth is for us. And when we neglect that, that’s where burnout comes. That’s where overwhelm comes. And so my encouragement is to really take this opportunity of this very full, busy time of year to really practice making authentic choices. All right. Until next time.
